As the foremost expert on all matters Marvel, I figured I should pipe in on this new/old/revamped/softly-rebooted MCU thingamagig.

(*Disclaimer: “Foremost Expert” is an unofficial title more or less determined by comparing my knowledge of comic books to a) my family members, and b) some of my coworkers. Plus I once blogged about why female superheroes have large breasts

So the MCU has been in a bit of a funk lately. And by “bit of a funk,” I mean it’s been a heap of hot garbage that’s hemorrhaging millions of dollars on each failed attempt to regain relevance. Kevin Feige, the guy in charge of the whole shebang, who as of five years ago was seen as a wunderkind who could film a fart and turn it into a billion-dollar franchise, is licking his wounds and going to that time-honored Hollywood tradition of retreading the same old shit they’ve been shilling out for decades.

The reasons for the recent failures in the MCU can be attributed to a ton of reasons. Some people, evidently including Kevin Feige, think it’s because they’ve used up all their “a-list” heroes and actors. Others think it’s the result of Disney “going woke” and “going broke.” Add to that the effects of Covid and HDTVs on the theater-going experience, plus the desire for Disney+ to have premium content, plus the glut of entertainment options, plus Jonathan Majors’s assault trial, plus the confusing storylines because do I really have to watch Loki, season two before I see Deadpool and Wolverine?

I’m here to confidently assert that each of those explanations is wrong. 

Because, in many ways, they’re all right.

And if Kevin Feige thinks he’s going to solve the problem by giving Robert Downey, Jr. a shit-ton of money, he’s in for a rude awakening. Okay, maybe not the first time he tries that trick, but it ain’t gonna have staying power.

What everybody can agree on is the origin of the MCU’s problems, which started roughly the time between when the Avengers: Endgame afterglow left our hearts and the Covid virus entered our psyches. 

Boy, Endgame only beat out Covid by the skin of its teeth. Remember how painful that year was between Infinity War and Endgame? Imagine if Infinity War had come out in 2019 instead of 2018. Then all the movie theaters would’ve shut down before we got the resolution. And there’s no way Disney would’ve tried that “just release it on Disney+” bullshit they did with Black Widow if it was the pinnacle of a decade of storytelling. Dare I say it, that would’ve made 2020 even worse than it already was.

But I digress. Let me start with the least, or maybe most, obvious problem the MCU is facing: Endgame hangover. 

Don’t get me wrong. Endgame is one of the greatest cinematic accomplishments of all time. So much fan service, so many callbacks, wrapped up in a prefect send-off of characters we’d come to know for a decade or more. 

Can I be honest? When I was in the theater, I didn’t even hear the dialogue when Dr. Strange’s teleportation circley things (told you I was a Marvel expert) all appeared on the air, because I was in one of those theaters where everyone was cheering at the top of their lungs. 

Of course, the line, spoken by Falcon to Captain America, is “On your left,” which was what Captain America kept saying to Falcon when they were running around Capitol Mall and Cap kept lapping him in Falcon’s first appearance. 

It’s details like this that set it apart. James Bond movies (pre-Daniel Craig) were always standalones. The Star Wars trilogies are mostly independent, and when they try to self-refer, it’s ham-handed and pisses off half the audience. Endgame was catharsis.

Unfortunately, with Endgame being such an accomplishment, Disney kinda forgot what brought us to the MCU in the first place. Endgame wouldn’t have worked in place of Iron Man in 2008. Just ask DCU, which continues to try (and fail) to reboot their own comic universe with deep gut-punches of movies. The MCU, by contrast, was light-hearted and fun. But now they think all of reality has to hang in the balance for every damn movie. Endgame worked because we were vested in the characters. We knew “On your left” and “I could do this all day” and “I am Iron Man,” so we were rooting for them as much as we were rooting for Earth or half of humanity. 

In The Eternals, do we really give a shit about Ikarus or Sersei or Crystal?

(That was a test: Crystal is in the Inhumans, not the Eternals, and if you don’t know the difference, that’s the point.)

Now, Kevin Feige and the rest of the Disney brass would look at my last statement as proof that they need to bring back Iron Man and Captain America, but I call bullshit. Nobody knew who the hell the Guardians of the Galaxy were before 2014, but I guarantee that if I’d thrown Groot in my fake Eternals lineup instead of Crystal, everyone would have caught it immediately.

Before they follow this new “only big names” path, maybe they should find a single human who prefered Thor: Love and Thunder over Shang-Chi. Then put that huan in prison, because they are clearly a sociopath.

It’s not about the star power, either. Sure, Robert Downey, Jr. was always a star (albeit one who was known more for his off-screen misdeeds than any particular role), but Chris Evans and Chris Hemsworth were hardly household names before they hit gold. It’s hilarious to look back on critics haranguing Disney for putting the original Thor movie in the hands of a couple of unknown lightweights named Chris Hemsworth and Tom Hiddleston. 

Never forget that Shang-Chi begat Barbie, not the other way around.

This whole “just use the major characters” approach isn’t only a movie problem. For sixty years now, the Marvel Comics mantra has been, “If a comic isn’t selling, make Spider-Man and Wolverine guest star.” The only entity more egregious is DC Comics, who seem contractually obligated to put Batman in fifty percent of their printed comics each month.

It’s why I fear Wolverine being part of the MCU now. I really, really hope Hugh Jackman retires the character after the next Deadpool movie. Not because I dislike Hugh Jackman or Wolverine, but because if the MCU gets their way, he’ll replace Stan Lee in the cameo department.

Thank God Marvel can’t use Spider-Man with impunity. If Sony ever sells the rights back, assume the next seven MCU titles will be Spider-Man and Wolverine.

Where I started to lose interest in the MCU was when they transitioned from the (allegedly) minor characters of Vision and Scarlet Witch to the (again, allegedly) major characters of Falcon and Winter Soldier. Of all the decisions they’ve made over the past five years, moving WandaVision into the pole position of the Disney+ shows, was probably their worst. It showed how groundbreaking the new format could be. Wow, we can have a time-bending, reality-bending show steeped in pop-culture with painstaking attention to detail encompassing seventy years of pop culture? Cool! 

Then they followed it up with stretching a two-hour movie into six episodes.

One thing everyone can agree on is that the glut needed to stop. I understand why Disney felt they needed a shit-ton of TV series right away. It’s hard to compete with Netflix if you’ve only got two or three properties. But, honestly, they could’ve waited more than a couple weeks in between each of those initial series. I watched almost every series, but if you put a gun to my head and asked if a particular scene happened in Hawkeye, Moon Knight, or She-Hulk, I might not be able to tell you. Unless it was in Egypt, in which case my answer it Moon Knight.

Speaking of the glut of Disney+ offerings, stop calling the cartoons part of the MCU. I’m sick of headlines saying “Iron Man returning to MCU” or “Tom Holland replaced as Spider-Man” only to find out it’s about Zombie Iron Man or Spidey and his Amazing Friends. Hell, I’m not even sure how I feeel about Deadpool and Wolverine being the only MCU movie coming out this year. Sure, Deadpool is a Disney property now, but does anyone actually feel, after seeing the first two movies, that this is a natural connector between The Marvels and Captain America: Brave New World? Even in the comics, Deadpool barely works in continuity. I worry the character will lose a lot of his appeal once he has to fit into MCU’s multiple convolusions.

I’m kinda bummed that The Marvels bombed. It was actually a good movie. So was Fall Guy, which also bombed, because somehow Hollywood still hasn’t figured out what gets people to the theaters. A lot of people blame it on Covid hangover, but theater attendance was down int he decade leading up to 2020, as well. For all properties except Marvel.

I think The Marvels is what the MCU needs more of. But not for the reasons that Disney thinks. And not for the reasons Fox News thinks. 

It has nothing to do with the movie having three female superheroes. It’s because at least two of those three superheroes are interesting, played by actors who aren’t phoning it in. It also has Brie Larsen.

Considering that all three characters have gone by either Ms. Marvel or Captain Marvel in the comics, combining them in a movie called The Marvels makes total sense. Those of us in the know realized where it was going as soon as the last name Rambeau showed up in the original Captain Marvel. 

If you haven’t seen WandaVision (or Ms. Marvel), it might feel like this was a woke shoe-horning in of three female characters of different ethnicities, but considering the MCUs bread and butter has always been characters showing up in each others’ movies, it would’ve seemd odd had Monica Rambeau and Kamala Khan NOT appeared in the next Captain Marvel movie. But yeah, one of those valid complaints of the MCU is that you shouldn’t have to watch every damn property to know what’s going on. 

But if the reason you didn’t watch Ms. Marvel is because she’s Muslim, suck it up. You lost that worthless argument a couple generations ago. 

Monica Rambeau’s been in the comics since the early 1980s, she’s hardly a woke “tick the box” representation character. Was Kamala Khan? Maybe at first, although I find it interesting that she showed up around the same time as Miles Morales. The complaint about Miles Morales was “if there’s going to be a minority character, make a new one. There’s already a white Spider-man.” Then those same people complained when the Muslim Ms. Marvel was completely different than the white one. Or the blue one, which was the original Mar-Vell. 

With all that being said, Marvel Comics, and by extension the MCU, needs to stop putting “tick the boxes” ahead of character development. While I watched and enjoyed The Marvels, the entity I have no interest in whatsoever was Echo. The character of Echo is, allegedly, interesting because she is a) deaf, and b) Native American. Back story? Nah. Specific powers? Not really. Compelling backstory? Did I mention she was both Native American and deaf?

Two of the most boring Marvel characters are Hulkling and Wiccan. Hulking already has one strike against him because he is not in any way related to the Hulk. Hulk has a son, but that is not Hulkling. Instead, Hulkling is part Skrull, so he is green and can shape-shift into something strong, like Hulk. Wiccan is one of Vision and Wanda’s kids. He’ll show up in the MCU soon, I suppose.

Hulkling and Wiccan are gay and they are married to each other. So every time they’re shown, it’s some sort of date night or some other premise to show nonstop adoration between the two. They never fight, as married couples are wont to do. They never have their own agendas. They are simply in love with each other, at all times, because dammit, that’s good story-telling. Meanwhile, Invisible Woman is banging Namor every time Mr. Fantastic leaves the room for more than five minutes.

Hulking is literally the emperor of the combined Kree & Skrull empires, but somehow the only story of his that’s worth telling is that he’s married to a man and they are perfect together. Hey Marvel, it would feel a lot less like tokenism if you allowed the characters to be more than just a token.

This whole “minority characters can’t have flaws” is going to come back to bite Marvel in the ass before long. Exhibit #1: The Phoenix Force.  Historically, it takes over a character, causes them to kick-ass for a period of time, then turns them insurmountably evil before burning out. The plot of X-Men vs Avengers, one of their most-hyped (and least-payoffed) crossovers of the last twenty years, is that infects six X-Men and runs them through the whole gamut in seven issues. They solve world hunger by issue #2 and are trying to end existence by Issue #6.

Now Echo has the Phoenix Force. Let me remind you, however, that she is Native American. And deaf. If Hulkling can’t have any flaws, that applies doubly to Echo. She can’t ever succumb to baser instincts because the Woke Bible says no Native American has ever had an impure thought in their entire history. Nor have the deaf. The way you humanize someone is by removing their humanity.

And sure enough, Echo has had the Phoenix Force since 2021 and… still has it. Hasn’t saved a planet, hasn’t destroyed one. In fact, she doesn’t really do anything. She’s the same character she’s always been and the Phoenix force is just kinda there. Can’t really flare up and do its Phoenix thing as that might detract from Echo’s primary role of being a) Native American, and b) deaf.

I assume they’ll finally fix it by having the Phoenix Force leave her voluntarily to find someone who is corruptable.

But Echo being a terrible character wasn’t the reason I avoided the TV show. The MCU entities are separate from the comic counterparts. The Thor in the comics has none of the humor of Chris Hemsworth. Tony Stark isn’t nearly as charismatic as Robert Downey, Jr. And Shang-Chi? Find me a Marvel fan who knew who that character was before 2018 and I’ll find you a liar. 

But I did watch Hawkeye. It was mostly a good show. Kate Bishop has huge potential to carry the character forward, probably even better than the morose-as-hell Barton (which totally doesn’t match the way the character is in the comics). And Yelena is the single best character to be introduced post-Rocket Raccoon. And again, Yelena ain’t that big of a deal in the comics.

Most of the time, Hawkeye’s pace popped. The times it didn’t? When Echo was there. It was all Kate investigating her stepfather and Clint stuck in New York and Yelena quipping about what’s in the refrigerator. Then it’s, oh by the way, here’s Echo, dropping in like a “Very Special Episode” of a 1980s sitcom. The pace slowed down, the subject matter got serious, because Echo is not a character we are allowed to approach like every other character. We must understand that she MATTERS. 

And they decided to give her an entire series not based on feedback, not based on an objective review of how the character played out, but on a “Fuck you, racist and ableist fucks!” Seriously, Kate, who was supposed to be taking over the main character, has only shown up one more time, in a cameo at the end of The Marvels, while Echo has received an entire series and is also going to be in the next Daredevil series. So who was the main purpose of Hawkeye? 

Charlie Cox got thrown in the last Spider-Man movie because he was hugely popular and finally able to be in the MCU. Ditto with Hugh Jackman in the upcoming Deadpool flick. Loki wasn’t my cup of tea, but I get that it was quirky and had a following, so it made sense that season two was greenlit. Echo, meanwhile, was the opposite. Almost a dare. We’re gonna make a boring character and you’re all gonna watch it or else we’ll call you racist and ableist.

So I guess I can see why people thought The Marvels was going to go that route. But it didn’t.

Sure, The Marvels was little more than a torch-passing, but the torch was being passed from a stick in the mud who never really brought much to her roll, Brie Larsen, to someone who could not be a better embodiment of what the MCU should be, Iman Vellani. She steals every scene she’s in with her exuberance. She’s every bit what Tom Holland exuded in his early movies, but replace the “striving to impress” with a buttload of “OMG, this is so cool.” I know the MCU keeps looking for its next Robert Downey, Jr, and I’m not saying Benedict Cumberbatch isn’t the correct call on that, but what they really ought to be focusing on is the next Star Lord. The next Kat Dennings.

There’s a scene in The Marvels on a planet where everyone sings. It’s hilarious. At one point, Monica Rambeau asks Kamala Khan how many fanfic chapters she’s going to get out of this. But to me, the funniest line was when plot started happening, requiring the king to speak some lines instead of sing them. Kamala looks confused, but Carol Danvers explains that he’s bilingual.

Oh, and there’s a scene where a whole bunch of Flerkins (those cat aliens that scratched out Nick Fury’s eye) are eating up people in order to expedite the evacuation of a ship. Once on the ground, they’ll cough them all up like hairballs. Daughter couldn’t get over the announcements going over the loudspeakers (“Let the Flerkins eat you.” “Do not run from the Flerkins”) while I kept trying to place the background music. 

It was “Memory.” From Cats.

You won’t find that level of tongue-in-cheek in Echo.

What separates The Marvels from half of the MCU’s drivel in the past half-decade is that it’s fun. Remember fun? It used to be the number one purpose of a Marvel movie. But they ended up convincing themselves that kick-ass was the adjective they were going for. Some of their movies are both, but when you’re shooting for kick-ass and you miss, you just get bloated drivel. They learned that lesson with Thor: Dark World, but seemed to forget it by the time Falcon and Winter Soldier came around.

Iron Man was fun. Avengers was fun. Guardians of the Galaxy was fun. Even Endgame was fun, in its own way. Eternals wasn’t fun. Multiverse of Madness wasn’t fun. Wakanda Forever, ugh, don’t even get me started. 

And I can only assume Echo wasn’t fun. 

Unfortunately, The Marvels failed. Maybe they shouldn’t have released it during the actor’s strike, when the actors could actually promote it. Maybe they should’ve marketed Iman Vellani as a Tom Holland that they actually have the rights to. Maybe they could’ve marketed it as a movie with three female superheores, not a movie for the purpose of having three female superheroes.

Or maybe they set it up to fail so that they could look down their nose at all the misogynists.

Deadpool & Wolverine looks fun. I’m sure it will do well. But the next movie is Captain America: New World Order, which, if it’s anything like Falcon and Winter Soldier, will be crap. Maybe when a Captain America movie fails, they’ll realize it’s got nothing to do with the characters. 

Or they’ll just blame it on racists.

Although if Thunderbolts*, a movie led by a female who plays a minor character, does better than Captain America 4, which I think it might, maybe they’ll finally try to figure out what makes a movie good. What the MCU needs.

Wolverine vs Spider-man!